my house of cards has fallen down and whither have they gone? everything i hold dear can be destroyed by something i despise. sin is a dream-eater that has devoured many things i hold dear. i have sacrificed portions of my soul to the dark in return for an abyss of guilt. one card is left to me on which i must build again, the ace of hearts. why should it be this particular card? christ is first among all who affirm that they love. his love is supreme and different from other loves. he it is that has the love which may pierce through my grime and dirt to my very soul. previously, i had placed this ‘card’ last and had built the rest before it. i thought it would do well as a crowning jewel. however, christ must be the basis for everything, not the afterthought of everything. i must glorify him before i do anything else. on this foundation i must build my house, my temple, that the powers of hell prevail not against it.

there’s a God-shaped hole in all of us and well this is. i have found no complete satisfaction in anything or anyone. i yearn for something that can patch up this hole and yet have found nothing. i do not think that covering the hole, fixing it even, is the solution. i have come to the conclusion that the hole is not the problem but that trying to push it under is the real problem. not paying attention to the fact that one does in fact need God. he is the only one that is able to fill each and every one of us to the brim and even more. this hole we possess is not a deformity nor is it something to be ashamed of but it is an opportunity to give utmost glory to God in that he only is able to fill it.

il y a un vide formé par dieu au coeur de chaque homme.

i believe in pantheism though not particularly the pantheism one usually thinks of. i do not believe that god is everything nor does everything a container of God. rather, i believe that one is able to see God in everything. when i look into a mirror, i see myself but the mirror is not me neither does the mirror contain me. when i look into creation i see God but creation is not God neither is creation able to contain God. this brings up another point of possible contention. did God truly enter the world as a man? yes and no – did all of God come into this world? no; was he who came into this world all of God? indisputably yes. creation is not able to contain God but God is able to enter creation. a basin is not able to contain the ocean but the ocean is able to enter a basin; is that which is in the basin any less ocean than that which is outside the basin? no, and yet it has taken on a different form – ocean to be sure but also a basin of water nonetheless.

a further observation may be made in looking at the physical properties of light. waves of light may be refracted through a prism or reflected in a mirror. a refraction through a prism fundamentally changes the properties of the light spectrum. it splits it up into different attributes which are disjointed from each other and do not form a cohesive whole. reflection on the other hand preserves the properties of that which is reflected. it shows varying quantities of depth, but it does indeed allow the image to come through unaltered.

God is there and he is watching/the signs are everywhere/supernatural/God is there, there’s no denying/it’s supernatural/i see him everywhere/God is there, God is here, god is there/everywhere/my God is everywhere/God is there, God is here, God is there/God is there/supernatural/some things just cannot be explained

armenius and calvin are two electrically-charged names both in christianity and philosophy. with two seemingly opposing viewpoints, these men have polarized major thought and debate for centuries. i make the assertion that free will and predestination are to some extent reconcilable. in my opinion, free will is how one acts and predestination is why one acts.

there is no beginning without a consequent and accompanying end. nevertheless, more stress is placed on debate over origin than about the cataclysmic end. i believe that such debate ought to be postponed  until after the final apocalyptic moment. then one may presume (with little or no difficulty, based on the source of said moment) how exactly we began to be. that is, either with the design of a master or with the design of chance.

what will or will not be – once one path is begun, the other path ceases to exist. what would or would not be – at the nexus of two different paths, the ends of which may only be dimly perceived.

the evidence of brilliance – it can only be dimly perceived for the depth of the soul in which it resides. it is precisely because another cannot see the brilliance that one possesses that this other may know for sure that this same one is brilliant. he has internalized it. everyone possesses some measure of brilliance, for none can throw it away, and when one tries to throw it from himself and finds that he cannot, he then throws it into himself. he then quite properly forgets that he possesses brilliance. when another (not seeing any brilliance) offers this one a portion of his, he replies ‘i had something like that once but i rid myself of it for it did me no good’. this other would either relate it to others or relate it to himself had he given brilliance to this one. brilliance is only brilliant if it is in it’s native position and obscured by irrecognition.

a moment ought not be resurrected but rather must only be remembered and cherished.

religion – the mental construct of the humanity in that the lower reaches for the higher. christ – the mental destruct of humanity in that the higher reaches for the lower.

pain flows into my leg as the blood flows out, my fingers attempt to staunch the eflux as my mind endeavors to stay the influx. ‘let it wash over’ i hear. i withdraw the physical and mental blocks.

. . .

pain. at this moment, pain is a clarifying factor. pain is elemental. this fact focused my mental processes and showed me only one path – accept what pain teaches.

. . .

the blood dried as a rust colored stain while the pain congealed into a memory. later, as i was taking a shower, pain once again flowed into my leg. the warm water washed away the stain and hallowed the memory. pain, in this moment, brought me to a point of quietude both within and without.