i am continually realizing how wrong i have been. i realize now how much my parents have told me is correct and true. i realize but can not yet fully comprehend how awefully and terribly right God is. he is on the move; he is real, he is involved, and he does not use perfect people. if this were the case, where would i be? lost in the sea of humanity and drowning in my sin. i have become fully convinced that there is in fact a God who is wholly occupied with my life and issues. he cares for me, my welfare, and for those who surround me. he has, more than any other thing or person, orchestrated my life to reflect his own image and has caused me to rely fully on him. i trust him as i find it impossible to trust any other. who is my god? this god, the god, the one alone, θεος, deus, YHWH, eru ilúvatar. God is my god and this fact demands fanatical prepossession. the cause of my god has become my wyrd. i have a fatalistic flame which drives me ever on toward his work and which fixes my gaze on his extreme worth.

‘what is man that thou are mindful of him, or the son of man that thou visitest him?’

if you lose more than you gain, it simply is not worth it.

there are three basic types of genius. one being that which is brilliant enough to play the fool, another being brilliant enough to be a fool, and the latter being above foolishness and wisdom altogether.

i do not wish to base my life upon the experience of a single moment. there ought to be no ‘point’ of revitalization but rather a continuum of rebirth. life is not static, neither should be based in stasis.

balance is struck between two points that agree in belief, compromise is struck between two points that agree in attitude.

you do not deserve death – it is a luxury given to depraved mankind by an awefully right God. if we do not deserve the hall through which we walk, neither do we deserve the door into and out of that hall.

there are two common views of time. the linear view maintains that time progresses from a point to a point through space – a definite end and a definite beginning. the other is cyclical, which asserts that time repeats (with supplementation) and progresses in an ever-widening spiral within a plane. i hold to a theory that time progresses cyclically from point to point – an ever-widening spiral through space.

happiness, more than any other emotion, lends itself directly to psychological treason. by which i mean that happiness is allowed but not deeply thought about – one may act willingly and yet still act unconsciously.

with it’s own fangs, rip apart the very soul of the chimera that lies in your path. one should not journey outwardly in order to find his self. the self resides within and therefore one must journey inwardy to find it. live no longer within yourself, but rather live as your self. completely subjugate yourself to your self. surrender your will. become a shell through which your self is amplified. what must one’s self be like? (and this should not ‘be like’, but simply ‘be’.) only this – christ. the new nature, a synergy of the individual (created by God for his own glory) and the aweful holiness infused therein. align yourself so completely with christ that you cannot be distinguished. cleave to the cross; do not cleave from the cross. and yet one more thing: do not align yourself so that one can only see you when looking for christ, but rather that one can only see him when looking at you. conclusively, be selfish in that you be your self.

God is not the first cause if only for this reason: the first cause is yet a cause, and as such, is bound by time. God is outside of the limits of time. he is the originator of the first cause (and the originator of the last effect). to posit God as the first cause is to impose time upon the timeless one. from the entity, but not the entity itself.