exorcism of myself

a ghost is haunting me and this is what i fear – the complete and total exorcism of myself, my spirit and the absolute and entire inorcism of my self, his spirit. for it is he that haunts me – the life in death, the one eternal. he wants me, desires my body as his residence. i am running from life.my body is in a state of rebellion in it’s movement toward carnality. my mind is in a state of rebellion in it’s espousal of lust. my soul has ever been in a state of rebellion against the God who is there. if this be so, what may recuperate my trichotomous nature; and further, what exactly am i rebelling against? since all of myself is in a state of rebellion, i must be rebelling against my self, the ghost that ever haunts me. christ has offered to me a path out of this darkness; in this i find my great joy and sorrow.

save me from myself

i fear nothing living – neither man nor beast. that is, i fear not that such a fear will immote to the point of inner turmoil. it is that which is dead – the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life – which i fear. these three are indefatigable in their pursuit. they are wind attempting to inhabit my very being and to feed my soul. they are empty – and yet i still endeavor to subsist. i despise all that i desire for myself. i abhor my most inner thoughts. ah! wretched man that i am, who shall save me from myself?

the concept of beauty

a strange and almost disturbing corollary to be observed between extreme beauty and superficiality of relationship. an excess of focus on the outward appearance only fuels the evolutionary concept of ‘mating’. this concept then leads to the view that procreation (and even less than that, sometimes only the moment of sexual pleasure) is the only focal point in a relationship. then once that which is the basis for these extrapolations (physical beauty) is no longer present, the ‘mate’ is freed to find another that will better suit his evolutionary needs. there is a distinct difference between a ‘female’ and a ‘woman’. each fulfills her respective ideological position - a female engenders little more than physical attraction while a woman possesses attributes and values worthy of a deeper relationship. i would prefer to marry a woman.

the aoristic or the linear?

i have somewhat considered my dislike of pictures. while a photograph (and even a painting) may convey both physical and emotional aspects of a person, it does not carry the soul. this may be attached by the viewer within a certain context connected to the representation but it is not contained within the representation itself. yet further, i dislike photographs for the fact that the aoristic is perceived as the linear. do not let a moment usurp the authority that the continuum of events rightfully holds.

rebirth is not static

i do not wish to base my life upon the experience of a single moment. there ought to be no ‘point’ of revitalization but rather a continuum of rebirth. life is not static, neither should be based in stasis.

apathy – the soul killer

apathy – i do not care and yet i still feel. apathy – initiated by the mind, repulsive to the soul, and retained by the flesh. apathy – i feel it within me, clawing away at the lining of my existentiality. apathy – that monster. apathy – the soul killer. apathy – i do not care what happens to me. i still am able to feel very deeply, to the point of immotion - but i do not care. love is the pathway out of this facade of living. i must love, i can do naught else. i am brought to the point of love from the brink of death. this is not death of the flesh, or even of the mind, but more dangerously is death of the soul. i was given life through the agency of love – this is my great joy and sorrow.

christ, the destructive force

religion – the mental construct of the humanity in that the lower reaches for the higher. christ – the mental destruct of humanity in that the higher reaches for the lower.

we are human

what would life be like if we tried to act as something which we are not? i mean, why must we attempt to be something more than human? God created us as human and though we aspire to so much more, we are yet, at the moment, human. and therefore we must be human – which carries with it all human joys and sorrows and though we would like to escape this, it is not yet in our ability, which is one of the reasons that i commit neither of the extremes with you: in other words you are beneath me and i will use you or you are above me and i will worship you. neither of these is a true human relationship and hence the phrase ‘ah, the humanity’

awe which endues

an aweful moment for me is like something absolutely ascendent, something aspiratory in nature, like a very intense immotion, something very elemental in nature. it washes over like a flood of icy cold water which also fill the heart with extreme warmth. that which is aweful has ever been my great joy and sorrow.

a logical definition

balance is struck between two points that agree in belief, compromise is struck between two points that agree in attitude.